Questions

Normally, I like to think that I have all the answers. Although I certainly haven't fooled myself into thinking I'm an astronaut or rocket scientist, I do like to think that I know stuff. I do well at Jeopardy. My educated guesses are pretty right on. I tend to figure out who the killer is pretty early in movies or tv shows. And I pick up things fairly quickly, in general. Basically, I'm awesome. 

But, this isn't that kind of blog post. 

Cause there are just some things that I don't understand. 

Like, superficial judgement. Whether it has do to with your race or gender or physical appearance, whatever. I don't get superficial judgement. I don't understand how just by looking at me, you think you know me. Skinny and fat shaming fall into this category. Thinking people with tattoos are somehow less responsible would fit into this one too. I mean, I just mentioned that I think I'm smart and yet I can promise you that those things don't help me determine what you're like. How the fuck do I know what you're like until I actually talk to you?

And another one. Religion. Judging people on their religion, I just don't understand. I mean, fuck off. If you know anything about the major religions we've got going on, you know that they're pretty similar in the things they preach. Sure, the stories they use are different but the morals tend to be very close to one another. So, why aren't religious people just happy that there are other religious people out there? Why aren't they happy that so many other people share their thoughts on how to live their life while they're here? Why isn't being a person of faith something that draws those people together instead of dividing them so significantly so often? 

And along those same lines, why is it that people are so intent on mixing religion and government? The same people that are constantly talking about how the second amendment is woven in gold and shouldn't have any limits of any kind have no problem disregarding freedom of religion and separation of church and state. How can you claim that one amendment is more important than another like that? And if you start reminding me that there isn't much ahead of the right to bear arms in the constitution, I'll remind you that freedom of religion is one of those that is. So given that, why does anyone think it's okay to force their religion on anyone else? I don't care how good you think yours is, faith and religion are very personal things and to tell anyone that you should be in charge of how they show their faith and choose to worship is criminal and a personal violation. 

Nextly (Yes, I know that's not a word, so what), why is it so fucking hard for some people to put themselves in someone else's shoes? Do we really need to have experienced something in order to be able to determine whether something is shitty or not? How is it that so many people can willfully ignore real problems and issues just because it isn't affecting them directly? How does it not cause them actual pain to see others in pain? How is this not a thing that everyone deals with? 

Also, why is it the initial reaction of so many to blame the victim? Is the idea of a broken system or fallen hero so horrifying to you that you would chose to stick your head in the sand, or worse, blame the injured party just in order to sleep better at night? And why isn't blaming the victim keeping you awake? Why does ignoring a real problem put some at ease instead of fighting for what's right? I understand that ignorance is bliss but what about an outright refusal to admit what you have to know deep down? Is that bliss as well? 

And are there really that many people out there that actually think that their race is a superior race? Cause sometimes it really seems like there are still a lot of people out there like that. Is that just a magnification of the terrible the way that tends to happen with the media or is that still a significant percentage of people? And for those people who truly believe this, how is that even possible? How can anyone actually think that one race is better than another? How can pigmentation mean so fucking much? 

And to that same end, are there also really people out there that think one gender is better than another? Do some feminists really believe women are better than men? Do other people really think that the majority of feminists have this warped view? Do some men really believe that they deserve to earn more for the same level of work? And are there really both men and women who think that the man should be the head of the household and the woman be subservient? And I don't mean just having traditional roles, I mean actually thinking that the man is the boss of the woman, as if husband replaces father and woman stays a child. 

Here's another: do most people really believe that their country is better than every other country and the people in it? Do most Americans really believe that they're better than other people from other places? And not your standard, respectful patriotism but the actual belief that being American means being better? And is the state of our country today not giving you pause in this belief system?

Question: are there really people out there that think that we can make life better for anyone through hate? Are there really people who don't view hate as a disease that needs to be eradicated? Are there really people left in this world who don't realize that hate destroys the soul, poisons the heart and decays the brain?

And with that same thought in mind, how does hurting other people not make some people feel terrible inside? How does causing pain in others not make some people wither inside? How can you cause tears in another and not feel a part of you die inside? And how does it seem like some people thrive on this feeling? How can it be that some people get energy from the destruction they cause in others? I was a dick to a guy in the drive-thru of an Arby's in Los Angeles about five to seven years ago and I still haven't been able to let it go. I was wrong and I was a dick and my friend told me so and I still feel bad. How is it that there are some people who don't work this way? 

And finally, how is it that for some people a stranger's own personal experiences and life choices are so deeply offensive? This one really fucks me up -- I just don't get it. I just don't understand. And if there's someone out there that this is true for, please, I beg you -- educate me. How is someone else's life experience -- someone that you don't know, someone who has no bearing on your life -- how do their actions and how does their life, in general, become so violently offensive to you? Why do you feel it's your place to watch them, judge them and then attempt to eviscerate them from afar just because you disagree with the way they classify themselves or the way feel they have to live their life in order to be true to themselves? And you know exactly what I'm talking about here, not serial killing, not theft or torture -- but choosing to become a more whole person, from their own perspective. How do you feel it's your place to take a very real and very painful situation and try to crush the person struggling with their own identity?

So these are just some of the questions I have. These are some of the things I've been struggling with, both lately and for a lot of my life. And sometimes it just gets tiring to try and try and try to come up with answers when it seems like so many people don't have any desire to actually come up with solutions. So, instead I wanted to share my questions and struggles with you, knowing that there are other people out there that have the same things going around in their minds. Maybe together we can work some things out.

Kirk, the Jerk

I remember when I was back in middle school, there were three very real constants in my life:

1. The Price is Right will cure any illness.

2. I will eventually marry Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block.

3. Mike Seaver from Growing Pains was adorable and dreamy.

Sadly, none of those things are true anymore.

1. Even though I'm from Cleveland, Drew Carey annoys me and I don't like him hosting my Price is Right (I have done much better with Steve Harvey as host of Family Feud.)

2. Turns out the one thing I learned from VH1's The Surreal Life was that Jordan Knight was a dick hole. Also, I love my husband. 

3. Armchair preacher Kirk Cameron has ruined any and every wonderful memory I have of Mike Seaver. Growing Pains-wise, I would now rather date Sandy (poor, dead Matthew Perry's character is first tv death I bawled at), Luke (prepubescent Leo DiCaprio) and the magnificent Boner Stabone (a very real RIP Andrew Koenig).

A little while ago, my best friend texted me with a link saying, "I swear if you don't blog about this, I will" and here is what the link lead to this quote of Cameron's:

"Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband. When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage. A lot of people don't know that marriage comes with instructions. And, we find them right there in God's word [in the Bible]."

Oh, Kirk Cameron. You know, your sister is super religious too and I'm pretty sure she agrees with most everything you say. I'm pretty sure that's the kind of family that you came from. But you know what? I don't fucking hear her spouting off to anyone with a microphone or tiny recording device perfect for reporting. You know why? Her job is to act. Her job is to pretend to be someone else for our amusement, entertainment and poignancy. Now, you might not have liked Full House. That's fine. You might think this Netflix Fuller House reboot is fucking stupid and unappealing. That's fine, too. But guess what? She's doing her job and she's not hurting anyone in the process. You, ya big dumb mouth hole, decided it was your job to teach us Americans about God and Jesus and stuff. So, instead of just becoming the most fun Sunday school teacher in the neighborhood, you decided to become the world's Sunday school teacher. 

Well, know what? My parents handled that for me, thank you very much. I sure as shit don't need Mike fucking Seaver telling me what is and is not acceptable. And you know, for someone who seems to live his life What Would Jesus Do-ing you certainly took a departure from that when you got an entire storyline on Growing Pains changed, had an actress fired from her role and then had them conceive a whole new storyline for you because you didn't like the fact that she had posed for Playboy. I got news for you, Kirk, Jesus wouldn't get someone fired because he didn't agree with a job they did or what he perceived to be their morals. That's not very Jesusy at all. 

But, whatever, right? Shit doesn't apply to you, is that it? 

So now, let's break down this wonderful little snippet of advice, you feel is so important for us to learn, sentence-by-sentence...

--"Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband." 

Well now, that's just dumb. I'm not saying that wives or husbands should be pushing their spouse around or "instructing" them on what qualifies as being a proper spouse but open communication is absolutely necessary to a good marriage. In fact, I'd go one step further and say that it's your job as a good spouse to be open and honest with your husband or wife about your needs. Cause if there's something that is integral to your happiness and you're making your fucking spouse guess at it, that's just a struggle you're adding to his or her life that he or she doesn't need. 

--"When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage."

For real, fuck you, Kirk Cameron. If you think anyone should stay in an abusive marriage, you're a dick. That is some of the least Christian shit I've ever heard. I understand that marriage vows are sacred but if you seriously think that Jesus Christ would tell a man or a woman to stay in a marriage where they were being hurt or assaulted, you are fucking more stupid than Mike Seaver ever was. We, as a society, have worked so incredibly hard at making sure that abused spouses know they have places to go in order to get away from their harmful environments and you shove the Bible in our faces and try to use it to convince people not to seek help?

And let me ask you, sir, if there are kids in these families, you think it's okay to keep them in abusive environments? You think it's okay to teach them that this behavior is acceptable? You think it's okay to teach them that they shouldn't protect themselves if they were in this same situation? You think it's okay to teach them that a good spouse is someone who is either an abuser or someone who can really take a punch? And what if they're being abused as well? You think a good parent keeps their child in a situation where they're being hurt? You think Jesus would be okay with that? You think Jesus would just tell the abused spouse to stay put and let their kid become the target? 

Dude, there isn't even one thing about that sentiment that makes sense. Not only have you totally missed the point of anything Jesus ever said but I believe someone once said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting change to occur is insanity. Therefore, getting your role "right" regardless of how you're being treated will never produce "change". 

--"A lot of people don't know that marriage comes with instructions. And, we find them right there in God's word [in the Bible]."

Here's the thing, it seems like you're living in the Old Testament and Jesus, my friend, is in the New. We were taught as Christians, in no uncertain terms, that Jesus brought us the New Testament and that we're to let go of the Old. That's not ours. It's part of our shared religious history, yes, but it's not our book. Our book is the one with Jesus and the Apostles and the amazing sacrifice that was made to take away our sins. Our book is about love. Everything Jesus did was about love. He sacrificed himself for his love for us. But you're just wasting it. You're fucking wasting his love. Instead, you're dwelling on Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac willingly and without question. You're focusing on the great flood and two-by-two in an Arc. You're fucking concentrating on God wiping us out and only having the "chosen" survive. That's not your book, man. You're book is about love and befriending the outcasts of society. A good Sunday school teacher would know that. 

Kirk, listen, on the real tip, you need to put away all your scripts about the fucking rapture and remember what your religion really says. Otherwise, your just some asshole who thinks he knows better. And that's pretty damn blasphemes.

Author's Note: A very smart and awesome good friend of mine let me know that the biblical passage referring to "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands...Husbands, love your wives" is from the New Testament, which I totally messed up on. The full passage read a little differently than Cameron seems to be promoting, however: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Here, we see sacrifice from both parties whereas Cameron seems to only focus on and promote the woman's part of this equation.

God Doesn't Make Mistakes

I'd like to talk for just a minute to my religious and faithful brethren out there. No matter who you pray to or what God you worship -- I'm not trying to single any faith out here. 

There's a statement, an idea, that I've heard all of my life and I'm hearing it being thrown around a lot right now. Most of you can guess the topic which brings out this statement but I'm making a point to not even address the statement in a particular context. I'd just like to talk about the statement itself. 

First off, I'd like to just say that although I'm no longer religious, I don't have a problem with the concept of this statement, just for anyone thinking that I'm looking to pick apart a common religious sentiment just for the hell of it. 

This is not what's going on. This is just my half of a discussion that I'd really like to be a part of. And the discussion involves this statement right here:

GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES.

Now, most of the time when people use this -- or at least when they shout it boldly from behind their computer screens -- it's to talk about how something we humans are doing to mess with God's plan. And that's the use of the statement that I'd like to address here. 

I would like to quickly preface here that for the sake of this discussion, I'm asking that we all just jump on board with the concept of God. Afterwards, feel free to believe what you like God-wise. We all got that sweet, sweet free will (from God, if that's what you believe) to make our own choices about our lives and I'm not looking to change any of that.

So, anyway. People, let's talk about God not making mistakes. 

The thing is, you're right. God is God. If God is the all-powerful being we believe God is, God does not make mistakes. God has a plan. God doesn't just "wing it". And if God does, the winging goes well. God is God. 

So, here's my two cents:

How dare you question God's plan? How dare you, a mere mortal, decide what is part of God's plan and what isn't? Who are you to decide what God has intended for us? How are you, human, able to so decipher the complexities of God?

Is it instinct you're using? A hunch you have that something you're witnessing doesn't seem "kosher" to you? What exactly are you using as your basis for telling people that GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES? 

Because you're no more special than the rest of us. You have no finer link to God than everyone else. God made sure we all had the direct dial line. And it's pretty incredible that you feel that you have better knowledge and vision as to what God has set in motion for us.

And that -- that arrogance that you possess that makes you think that you have the ability and the right to pick apart and judge God and God's plan -- is a sin. And it's a big one. You haven't refused to go to bed when your parents tell you or decided to watch the game instead of paying a visit to God's house, you're questioning God. 

Because, you know what? And this is for real. I mean, really for really real. Please take this next sentiment very seriously. You have no evidence that anything that is happening -- at any time -- is not part of God's plan. In fact, God is pretty fucking powerful, so the idea that someone could actually come along and interfere with God's plan is a little fucking silly if you're a true Believer. 

So, I guess the question for you is: Are you a true Believer? Are you truly among God's faithful? Because each and every time you question God like this, you're essentially saying "you fucked up, God. This shouldn't be happening. Man is more powerful than you and can change your will whenever he or she likes." Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're trying to tell God?

You are all right, GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES. That's an impossibility for a Believer. So whatever you're questioning, whatever it is that seems so ungodly to you, understand that it's your lack of faith in God's plan leading you to these statements. Instead ask yourself:

What's God trying to teach me?

What's God trying to show me?

How is God making this an opportunity for me to show my strength and love in God's plan and for all of God's children?

Because the thing is, God doesn't make mistakes. God always knows. God is everywhere, in everyone and in everything. God offers us the chance to grow in every situation we're in: in love, in compassion and in understanding. 

As human beings and Believers, we need to stop questioning God. We need to stop pretending that we can ever possibly understand God. If we believe that God is real (and at least for the sake of this blog that's what we're doing) and that God is where we all come from, how could we possibly wrap our heads around everything that God is? It's just insulting to God to even imply that's possible. 

And no true Believer is ever looking to insult God. 

So, please, if you're a true Believer I ask that you stop using the statement GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES to tell other's that what they're doing is ungodly. Because, quite frankly, you have no idea. And maybe it's time we repurpose this phrase and use it at face value and the next time you witness someone passing this kind of judgement onto another person, you can quietly tell them "listen, man. God doesn't make mistakes. This is all part of The Plan."

An Open Letter to America from an American

Dear The American People,

It's with much sadness that I write you this letter but I see no way around it. I agree that we've got an incredibly diverse country made up of multiple ethnicities, genders, creeds, sexual persuasions and onward but we seem to be having some troubles creating a home for such vastly different people. The way I see it, however, there really isn't so much about who we are as people that divides us and keeps us apart from one another and because of this, I'd like to put forth a new way of looking at the people who make up our forever evolving country. The grand makeup of this Union of ours doesn't, in fact, have us split up into dozens of smaller classifications of people: black, white, Hispanic, gay, Catholic, Muslim, trans, able-bodied, etc. Instead, we actually fit into two much broader classifications that, yes, we can then continue to examine until we find additional bonds that unite us and varying traits that make us multifaceted but I think people will find that these two classifications actually tell us much more about the people we're dealing with than any other way we label people in this country now. 

My thesis? Our country, the great United States of America, can be divided into two distinct categories: those people who want to be on the right side of history and those who belong on the wrong side. There are a great many people who affiliate themselves with the wrong side of history (although, admittedly, I imagine they wouldn't agree with my labeling system) that have been wailing on for years about our movement forward as a country under a regime of political correctness. And in the spirit in which these free speech patriots have forever been rallying, I'm going to take up their banner for a moment and opt for the unabashed bluntness of being politically incorrect:

If you believe one race, one gender, one sexual orientation or one religion is better than another...that makes you a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or a bigot. That isn't something up for debate. Those are just words with definitions like blonde or brunette or southpaw or dentist. Now, we've been going through a lot of debate in our country from the time of its inception about what kind of connotation these beliefs have, long before we even had those words to describe them. "Separate but equal" was a big motto we went with for a long time as was "don't ask don't tell" -- both ways for us to acknowledge our differences without having to deal with them or include them in our own group's reindeer games. I do, however, feel like we've reached a point in history when we have to be a little bit more blunt -- a little more abrupt and a little more, well, rude. And I'm confident that even though some people will not agree with my premise here, those people will still be able to admit that my political incorrectness in this instance is at least something that unites us in clarity. 

So, for all of those who identify with any of the labels I mentioned above (racist, sexist, homophobe, bigot) or any others that work to keep us apart instead of bring us together...the debate you've been forcing us to have for hundreds of years? Yeah, there IS NO DEBATE. A debate implies that there is the possibility of multiple outcomes or answers. A debate implies that these are opinions and the topics we're discussing have multiple sides and points of view, all of which deserve to be heard. THIS IS also NOT TRUE. It's time to take the kid gloves off and just tell it to you like it is, after all, you guys have been using this premise to discuss your views in open forum since the beginning of time. So, without further ado and explanation...to say that you're wrong is such an immensely minuscule way to phrase how motherfucking wrong you are about life that it begs me to reach through my computer screen and slap the dead soul out of your body. You're not just wrong about your take on life and how we're supposed to walk through it, you will be the absolute reason why we fail in this earthly endeavor that we're all a part of together.

And let me speak in words and sentences that will get YOUR attention instead of what the rest of the world, those of us on the right side of history, feels is the most important measuring tool. So, not your heart and not your soul. Because again, all in the sense of honesty, you people don't give a fucking fairy's ass about heart and soul. If you did, you wouldn't use your religion to damn people to hell (and there are people from EVERY RELIGION that do that even when their religions go expressly against this tenant). So, to get hip with your clan's jive, let me be honest with you about where you've gone wrong, in terms that will mean something to you. None of you people, not one of you, is anything but a goddamn IMBECILE. Seriously. Oh, you have a Ph.D.? I'm sure you do. Imbeciles can get PhDs. It says you have a Ph.D. in economics or genetics or philosophy (or whatever)? Fantastic and a hearty congratulations but you're still a fucking imbecile. And do you know why you're an imbecile? Because you, who have devoted your life to judging others (which is what it's called when you won't stop talking about how your group is better than everyone else's and you commit yourself to making sure these "others" don't get afforded the same opportunities that you do) have totally and completely missed the ENTIRE fucking point of life. 

And you know what that makes you? Fucking LOSERS. 

Regardless if anyone has found a complete and satisfying answer regarding the meaning of life (whether for themselves individually or for humanity as a whole), one thing that we can most definitely trust is TRUE is that dividing us against each other, refusing to work cooperatively and creating a planet and society where some people are rewarded with everything for nothing and others the entire opposite is NOT THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS WORLD. So, if that's your agenda --and let me be clear that if you believe you should be afforded more opportunities than other people that is, in fact, your fucking agenda -- then you have gotten the answer to the test question "what is the meaning of life" wrong. You had your blue book and your pencil, you came to your final exam on time, and fucking biffed it. You would've been better off just handing in a blank goddamn book than writing the drivel you believe on the pages inside. At least then, some people would've thought your forgot about the exam. Others might've thought you were taking a stand against testing policies. And some people might've even given you the benefit of the doubt and worried that you were in an accident on your way to the test. But by filling your entire blue book with words of pompous self-posturing, inflated ego-boosting that can only be compared to the mythical self-given blow job, and hate-filled words of ignorance that only go to show that you literally know NOTHING about the people you share this good Earth with, you have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to all of us that you have fucking FAILED the LIFE exam. And that, sirs and madams, mean that you are goddamn LOSERS. 

Why, you ask? Why does this make you losers, if we don't even know who's grading the exam, if there's a curve or if the grades even count at all? For one simple reason. The world you are creating with your blind, stupid ignorance is a fucking cesspool. You are creating the Fire Swamp. And you may be the King or Queen ROUS but you're still a fucking rodent, regardless of your unusual size. So instead of creating a goddamn Shangri-La, where every inhabitant lives their best life possible, you've chosen to turn the goddamn gift that is LIFE into a fucking shithole mess. You've actually chosen to live in the Fire Swamp over Care-A-Lot. 

And the thing is, even an 8 year old knows that's fucking stupid. And when an eight year old knows you're a dumbass that means you're a LOSER. So, welcome to your reality, assholes. Finals are over and you didn't make it. Your consolation prize is living in the filth you've built while the rest of us prepare for Care-A-Lot. And even if we never see that grand place in our lifetime, just working on a project so beautiful and rewarding is a gift itself. Because I may never get to see the completed work but working on a goddamn Picasso with other artists is by far more meaningful then completing the landfill you're working on. 

In conclusion, I urge you to rethink the way you look at this country, seeing so many groups that keep us separate from each other and understand there are simply the two. Those in The Fire Swamp and those desperately trying to create Care-A-Lot. And it may seem like you're making more progress but that's only because you don't acknowledge anything outside of your Fire Swamp borders. But time will tell and so will history. And as you've so graciously pointed out on multiple occasions, the only way to have winners in this world is if there are losers, too. So, thank you. Thank you from all those on the right side of history. It is only because you're LOSERS that the rest of us get to be the winners we really are. 

Sincerely,

A Historical Winner and one of the proud Foremothers of Care-A-Lot. 

p.s. Please consider this letter notice of my official Care Bear stare.