How My Mom Casually Taught Me to be a Feminist

It's not hard for me to see how I became so demanding about my basic equal rights as a woman. The movies and TV shows that my mother surrounded me with as I grew up speaks volumes about the woman she is and feminist beliefs she taught me.

My mother LOVES Mary Tyler Moore. Mary Tyler Moore (the show) was my mom's favorite but the woman herself could do no wrong. I knew at a very young age that she was the first woman to wear pants on prime time television (one per episode until she started sneaking them in more often) on The Dick Van Dyke Show. I knew that the MTM logo I saw so many times on TV was her and I knew how much she dedicated of herself to (what was then known as) Juvenile Diabetes.

Carol Burnett constantly tugged her ear on our TV and I knew those Golden Girls before they were golden. I knew Bea Arthur as Maude was the first woman on prime time to get an abortion and started out by arguing with Archie. And I knew that when Betty White was Sue Ann Nivens to Mary Tyler Moore's Mary Richards that she was waaay more like Blanche Devereaux than Rose Nylund.

Jane Curtain and Gilda Radner were hilarious and Goldie Hawn was a triumph. I saw her shake her groove thang on Laugh-In reruns and heard the term rape for the first time in a movie while watching Foul Play with my mom.

The movie 9 to 5 was watched every chance gotten. My best friend and I could quote that thing by the time we hit double digits and whenever I watch the movie with a new person I always share with them my mom's favorite scene (the hospital scene and corpse escape).

If I had to take a guess, I'd say my mother's favorite playwright is Neil Simon. When most people think of him, they think The Odd Couple (if they realize he wrote that). He's written countless amazing plays and movies but my mother's favorites have always been the ones starring Marsha Mason. Max Dugan Returns, The Goodbye Girl, Chapter Two. Neil Simon could write one hell of a strong woman. She was funny, strong, real, smart, silly, vulnerable and brave. She handled the shit life threw at her. And she always held her head up.

Gidget was on A LOT. The movies (although my mom only really liked the original) and the TV show. I knew both Sandra Dee and Sally Field as our favorite girl hero. I learned at an early age that it was okay to be smart and headstrong and stubborn. It was okay to try and do the things that the boys do. I learned that being myself was more important than fitting in and that a boy worth liking was one that liked me for me.

And no one, NO ONE, was on our TV screens when my mom was in charge of the remote more than Doris Day. And if you don't think that Doris Day was a goddamn feminist then you haven't ever seen one of her movies. She did everything. She had a career. She had a love life, even if she was single. She was smart. She had her own money. She was stubborn. She stood her ground. She said what she thought even if it took guts to do it. She wasn't afraid to argue and she was damn good at it. And she did it during a time where that was even a bigger deal than it is today.

I got lucky. My parents taught me how to be a strong person. They taught me how to treat others and they taught me the values that I cherish today. The values that I write about a lot in this blog. My mom, though, she taught me how to be a feminist. She taught me what it meant to be a strong, independent woman. So it's no surprise that when my high school did a production of Arsenic and Old Lace and they opened up male roles to females because the play was so male-heavy, I expressed how cool I thought that was. A male classmate of mine overheard and asked me if I was some kind of feminist. When I went home and told my mom about the conversation that night, know what she said?

"Did you tell him, 'Yeah, why aren't you?'"

I mean, how cool is my mom?

Enough

I'd like to take a moment to address Senator Chris McDaniel and his recent FaceBook post. After much thought, I've decided to do it with the same condescension that Senator McDaniel employed since I feel it must be the tone and attitude he understands best.




Well done, Senator McDaniel. You must be so proud of the fact that you've conveniently missed the point of a march that you couldn't be bothered to understand in the first place. It's such a good feeling when we hit one of our goals and can swipe another task off our list and you've done just that.

Go on, pat yourself on the back.

And now, tell me some more about how I desperately and violently want to end the lives of the unborn and just be able to put the abortion on my SNAP card! Cause that's totally my motivation and the motivation of all the women at the march. Hell, if I could eat the young afterwards that'd be even better. Nutrition, and all.

Please, tell me more about how all I want are free abortions and free birth control and free cell phones.

Show me more evidence about how once those embryos become human beings you couldn't give a fuck about them. Please, continue to go on and show me more proof that once a baby is born you not only won't do anything to ensure that baby has equal right and an equal voice but that when that human being is speaking, you won't even have the decency and respect to listen to what it's saying.

And please, point out to me that some of those babies would be little girls. Please assume that I care more about girls than I do boys. Please assume that your little sarcastic comment means more about me than it does about you. Because buddy, the fact that you think women standing up for themselves is fucking selfish is the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard.

Why is our standing up for ourselves somehow offensive to you? Is it because our standing up for ourselves is getting in the way of you walking all over us, Senator McDaniel?

Let me ask you a question...would you be more comfortable with abortion if we could prove the gender beforehand? Cause you don't seem to give a fuck about women anyway. How about black or brown babies? Maybe we just don't abort the little white boy babies, would that work for you?

Because those are the only fucking people you seem to have a desire to build a country around.

Do you give even the littlest shit about all the rape or incest victims who you don't want to be able to have an abortion? Tell me, would it be okay for them to have the procedure as long as they rehashed every detail about their attack so that you could have the most vivid picture you can get and they can spiral into self-destruction? Would it be okay then? How about if they get their mom (cause they're 15) to drive them out of state to the closest place that would provide them the procedure? Would it be okay, then? How about if they had to pay for it themselves. I mean, the kid was already raped. And now, she has to relive every detail for your benefit...to prove that what she says is true. And to top it all off, even though a crime was committed against her, even though her body was physically violated, even though she is a little girl on the verge of losing her entire self-worth and esteem, NOW her family has to somehow find a way to pay for the procedure outright because you don't believe that their insurer should cover anything...because her RAPE is now entirely her responsibility.

You must sleep so soundly at night knowing that you've stopped these godless heathens from committing the ultimate crime.

BECAUSE THE ONLY CRIME YOU SEEM TO SEE IN THAT SCENARIO IS THE KILLING OF AN UNBORN BABY.

And now seems like a good time to talk about this whole "killing the lives of the unborn" issue. In this country, science is supposed to matter more than religion, in terms of our government. Know how I know that? It's called freedom of religion and separation of church and state.

Now...

If your reasoning for calling an embryo "the unborn" has anything to do with your faith, religion or spirituality it DOES NOT belong in our governing body.

You can wish it did all you want. But it doesn't. That's against the law.

You canNOT force me or anyone else to take on your belief system and live our lives according to what you dictate. That violates separation of church and state and is therefore unconstitutional.

So now that I've given you, a senator, a quick yet desperately needed lesson in American civics and government, let me also give you the other lesson you so badly need.

A lesson in compassion.

You, sir, talked to me as if you knew me. You assumed the worst because that was most helpful and convenient to you and then you mocked me. I don't want anything other than what you, a man, have. I want to be treated equally. I want to know if someone rapes me and they're convicted in a court of law, that the judge won't give him a light sentence so as not to ruin his life...meanwhile he's already ruined mine. I want to know that my medical issues are just as important as yours. If I need a procedure to save my life, I'd like to know that I can have it. I'd like to know that my insurance would cover my life-saving procedure that involves my lady parts the same way they would cover a life-saving procedure involving any other organs. I want to be paid the same as a man with equal education doing the same job as I am. I want to not be mocked and laughed at when I stand up for myself.

I want the same level of compassion that you give so willingly to "the unborn". You know, if that's not too much trouble, Senator.

P.S. I hope you're enjoying your free, taxpayer-provided, all-inclusive, super awesome health insurance that no one else in the country gets. You're welcome.