Girl on Girl Crime

"Dear women, you ALL are acting tacky AF! Why don't we overly (myself included) fortunate women come together and try to create and bring jobs to other women in desperate need of them so they can support not only THEMSELVES but their families! #happyinternationalwomensday can we all put the cuntiness aside for one fucking day and love / celebrate one another! PS no matter how hard you (or myself) work NEVER will I feel I am worthy of the comfort I live in.... Because so many others while I tuck myself in at night are laying their head on the pavement, dreaming of all the things we take for granted every day. Much love to all my women!!!"

Miley Cyrus posted this caption on Instagram, attached to a picture of Kim Kardashian's Kimoji. And, I gotta say, I agree with her. Now don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that I think Kim Kardashian should be famous. I have yet to see a skill displayed in that lady. I mean, fuck talent, just show me something that she actually does besides let cameras follow her around and allow her name to be put on products that she didn't design, didn't create, didn't craft and didn't conceptualize. BUT, having said that, maybe let's not call her a whore. Maybe we shouldn't be calling any woman a whore or slut or whatever word we're using to shame them sexually. I understand that she gained fame for a sex tape. And no, I don't love that. But not because she's naked and fucking Ray J (badly, I might add). But because I don't see her using that platform as a bridge to showcase some skill or art or talent or brand new thought. Seriously, anything in that area. As far as I can tell, her only goal was to be famous. 

But, having said all of that, it's still not a good enough reason to call her a whore. I mean, call her inconsequential. Call her annoying. Call her a hack or talentless. But it's time we stop calling each other whores. After all, it's been 12 years since Tina Fey and Mean Girls told us that we "all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores." And she's right. We have GOT to stop the slut shaming. After all, if you slut shame women and you don't slut shame men, you're not a very good feminist, are you? Men and women are supposed to be equal in our world. So, seriously, if Matthew McConaughey's deep desire to never wear a shirt just makes you shake your head and roll your eyes -- that's the exact same reaction you should be having towards Kim Kardashian's exact same behavior. And if you're one of the people who cheers when he does it, well, get off Kim Kardashian's ass already. 

Now, I'd be really nice if the story ended here. If Miley Cyrus just made us all feel like assholes who hate each other and who are so caught up in making other women feel bad about themselves that they needed Hannah Montana to teach us all a lesson. But sadly, she not equipped for that. I mean, she's not Lizzie McGuire. 

The second half of Miley's story is how she decided, almost in the same space of thoughts as her Instagram post, that it was a good idea to post old photos of Jodie Sweetin clearly inebriated and grinding on a guy. Jodie Sweetin who is now sober and up front about her struggles with drugs and alcohol. Jodie Sweetin who is trying to help others with her candor. And Jodie Sweetin who is having success again, through Fuller House and now Dancing with the Stars. 

So, Miley. Let's talk, girl. You said some really good things in your Instagram post. Throwing shade and slut shaming are totally tacky, you're right. Putting cuntiness aside and celebrating each other is something we really need to focus on. And women who are in the limelight might consider spending their time uniting to help other women instead of fucking acting like little bitches, clawing at each other's faces. So, Miley, what the fuck happened? Why'd you defend one woman and then cut down another? What the fuck is up with that? I dunno. Maybe it's cause Kim K is more famous. Maybe it's cause Kanye is Kanye and you want him to like you. Maybe there's some secret beef you and Stephanie Tanner have that the rest of us aren't privy to. You should know though, when your left hand is bitch-slapping womankind for adolescent behavior at the same time your right is acting like a Heather, you're gonna seem like a hypocritical bitch. And you're not going to do a wonderful job at making your point, either.  

It's too bad, too. You made a good one. We need to stop judging each other harder than we judge men. If we're gonna get pissed when men hold us to a different set of standards, we can't fucking do it ourselves. And we need to just fucking stop being dicks to each other. That's honestly not helping anyone. And how much more badassy would we all be if we supported each other instead of tearing each other down all the time? 

You got some good thoughts in your head, Miley. Maaaaaaaybe apply them to yourself.

An Open Letter to America from an American

Dear The American People,

It's with much sadness that I write you this letter but I see no way around it. I agree that we've got an incredibly diverse country made up of multiple ethnicities, genders, creeds, sexual persuasions and onward but we seem to be having some troubles creating a home for such vastly different people. The way I see it, however, there really isn't so much about who we are as people that divides us and keeps us apart from one another and because of this, I'd like to put forth a new way of looking at the people who make up our forever evolving country. The grand makeup of this Union of ours doesn't, in fact, have us split up into dozens of smaller classifications of people: black, white, Hispanic, gay, Catholic, Muslim, trans, able-bodied, etc. Instead, we actually fit into two much broader classifications that, yes, we can then continue to examine until we find additional bonds that unite us and varying traits that make us multifaceted but I think people will find that these two classifications actually tell us much more about the people we're dealing with than any other way we label people in this country now. 

My thesis? Our country, the great United States of America, can be divided into two distinct categories: those people who want to be on the right side of history and those who belong on the wrong side. There are a great many people who affiliate themselves with the wrong side of history (although, admittedly, I imagine they wouldn't agree with my labeling system) that have been wailing on for years about our movement forward as a country under a regime of political correctness. And in the spirit in which these free speech patriots have forever been rallying, I'm going to take up their banner for a moment and opt for the unabashed bluntness of being politically incorrect:

If you believe one race, one gender, one sexual orientation or one religion is better than another...that makes you a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or a bigot. That isn't something up for debate. Those are just words with definitions like blonde or brunette or southpaw or dentist. Now, we've been going through a lot of debate in our country from the time of its inception about what kind of connotation these beliefs have, long before we even had those words to describe them. "Separate but equal" was a big motto we went with for a long time as was "don't ask don't tell" -- both ways for us to acknowledge our differences without having to deal with them or include them in our own group's reindeer games. I do, however, feel like we've reached a point in history when we have to be a little bit more blunt -- a little more abrupt and a little more, well, rude. And I'm confident that even though some people will not agree with my premise here, those people will still be able to admit that my political incorrectness in this instance is at least something that unites us in clarity. 

So, for all of those who identify with any of the labels I mentioned above (racist, sexist, homophobe, bigot) or any others that work to keep us apart instead of bring us together...the debate you've been forcing us to have for hundreds of years? Yeah, there IS NO DEBATE. A debate implies that there is the possibility of multiple outcomes or answers. A debate implies that these are opinions and the topics we're discussing have multiple sides and points of view, all of which deserve to be heard. THIS IS also NOT TRUE. It's time to take the kid gloves off and just tell it to you like it is, after all, you guys have been using this premise to discuss your views in open forum since the beginning of time. So, without further ado and explanation...to say that you're wrong is such an immensely minuscule way to phrase how motherfucking wrong you are about life that it begs me to reach through my computer screen and slap the dead soul out of your body. You're not just wrong about your take on life and how we're supposed to walk through it, you will be the absolute reason why we fail in this earthly endeavor that we're all a part of together.

And let me speak in words and sentences that will get YOUR attention instead of what the rest of the world, those of us on the right side of history, feels is the most important measuring tool. So, not your heart and not your soul. Because again, all in the sense of honesty, you people don't give a fucking fairy's ass about heart and soul. If you did, you wouldn't use your religion to damn people to hell (and there are people from EVERY RELIGION that do that even when their religions go expressly against this tenant). So, to get hip with your clan's jive, let me be honest with you about where you've gone wrong, in terms that will mean something to you. None of you people, not one of you, is anything but a goddamn IMBECILE. Seriously. Oh, you have a Ph.D.? I'm sure you do. Imbeciles can get PhDs. It says you have a Ph.D. in economics or genetics or philosophy (or whatever)? Fantastic and a hearty congratulations but you're still a fucking imbecile. And do you know why you're an imbecile? Because you, who have devoted your life to judging others (which is what it's called when you won't stop talking about how your group is better than everyone else's and you commit yourself to making sure these "others" don't get afforded the same opportunities that you do) have totally and completely missed the ENTIRE fucking point of life. 

And you know what that makes you? Fucking LOSERS. 

Regardless if anyone has found a complete and satisfying answer regarding the meaning of life (whether for themselves individually or for humanity as a whole), one thing that we can most definitely trust is TRUE is that dividing us against each other, refusing to work cooperatively and creating a planet and society where some people are rewarded with everything for nothing and others the entire opposite is NOT THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS WORLD. So, if that's your agenda --and let me be clear that if you believe you should be afforded more opportunities than other people that is, in fact, your fucking agenda -- then you have gotten the answer to the test question "what is the meaning of life" wrong. You had your blue book and your pencil, you came to your final exam on time, and fucking biffed it. You would've been better off just handing in a blank goddamn book than writing the drivel you believe on the pages inside. At least then, some people would've thought your forgot about the exam. Others might've thought you were taking a stand against testing policies. And some people might've even given you the benefit of the doubt and worried that you were in an accident on your way to the test. But by filling your entire blue book with words of pompous self-posturing, inflated ego-boosting that can only be compared to the mythical self-given blow job, and hate-filled words of ignorance that only go to show that you literally know NOTHING about the people you share this good Earth with, you have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to all of us that you have fucking FAILED the LIFE exam. And that, sirs and madams, mean that you are goddamn LOSERS. 

Why, you ask? Why does this make you losers, if we don't even know who's grading the exam, if there's a curve or if the grades even count at all? For one simple reason. The world you are creating with your blind, stupid ignorance is a fucking cesspool. You are creating the Fire Swamp. And you may be the King or Queen ROUS but you're still a fucking rodent, regardless of your unusual size. So instead of creating a goddamn Shangri-La, where every inhabitant lives their best life possible, you've chosen to turn the goddamn gift that is LIFE into a fucking shithole mess. You've actually chosen to live in the Fire Swamp over Care-A-Lot. 

And the thing is, even an 8 year old knows that's fucking stupid. And when an eight year old knows you're a dumbass that means you're a LOSER. So, welcome to your reality, assholes. Finals are over and you didn't make it. Your consolation prize is living in the filth you've built while the rest of us prepare for Care-A-Lot. And even if we never see that grand place in our lifetime, just working on a project so beautiful and rewarding is a gift itself. Because I may never get to see the completed work but working on a goddamn Picasso with other artists is by far more meaningful then completing the landfill you're working on. 

In conclusion, I urge you to rethink the way you look at this country, seeing so many groups that keep us separate from each other and understand there are simply the two. Those in The Fire Swamp and those desperately trying to create Care-A-Lot. And it may seem like you're making more progress but that's only because you don't acknowledge anything outside of your Fire Swamp borders. But time will tell and so will history. And as you've so graciously pointed out on multiple occasions, the only way to have winners in this world is if there are losers, too. So, thank you. Thank you from all those on the right side of history. It is only because you're LOSERS that the rest of us get to be the winners we really are. 

Sincerely,

A Historical Winner and one of the proud Foremothers of Care-A-Lot. 

p.s. Please consider this letter notice of my official Care Bear stare. 

My People

I'd like to talk for a minute about people. Ah, yes. The old art of a person talking to people about the subject of people. That never happens. And it always goes so well.

As I've mentioned before in my blog, I recently got married. My husband and I got married in Las Vegas, near no one we know -- including us. We were incredibly lucky, however, because we still had almost 100 people join us for the wedding. 

I had lots of family there -- because my family is fucking awesome. I had lots of new family there as well because my husband's family also happens to be fucking awesome. I can pick 'em, boy. I also was lucky enough to have a bunch of friends from high school make the journey from Cleveland and considering I had my 20 year reunion last year, it's not like we're all still hanging out during the football games together. I had writing friends of mine fly in -- women I met online 15 years ago who changed my life in so many ways. And I had friends that I share with my husband make the journey for us, as well. 

Basically, yes, I am the queen of everything and have the best friends on the planet earth. Suck it, everyone else. But...

I'm not gonna be talking about any of these marvelous people, though. 

Now, you know, we did a lot of talking in 2015 about raising the minimum wage. Like, a lot of talking. I heard it on the streets (like you do). I saw it on the news. I read it in papers. And I was drenched in it on Facebook. I witnessed a lot of people say a lot of really shitty things about people who hold minimum wage jobs. A lot of people that I would have never expected to be so aggressively angry at minimum wage workers. A crazy amount of people who seem to think that minimum wage jobs are some kind of starter bullshit job that only 16 year old kids work. 

Ah, ignorance. Still alive and well in the 21st century. Alive and beyond well. Fuck, alive and running for president. 

The people I want to talk about here are the group of insanely wonderful people that I worked with for a couple of years, a couple of years ago. This fantastic group of individuals, all of us real live adults, worked at a movie theatre chain in Los Angeles. Educated individuals, hard working vets, people who truly know the definition of the words "work ethic" -- all started at minimum wage and worked for years for a place that gave the bare minimum in raises for even the best of employees. 

5 of them drove in from Los Angeles to join us. By far, the largest turnout from either of our varied work lives. They were ecstatic for me and excited to meet my husband. Dressed to the nines and ready to dance the night away. They were perfect. And honestly, such a highlight of the evening. And I had a good evening. 

These are some of the best, most wonderful people I've gotten the chance to know in my life (and I have no shortage of amazing people surrounding me). These are people that worked suicide shifts on a regular basis, that worked over 40 hours a week a lot of the time, and weren't offered even the most minimal of health insurance coverage. These are all adults who take their jobs seriously, whose goal may have been to move on to other things but are living in reality where that may take longer than you want or expect. And these are people that are not an anomaly. There are more of them. I know. I worked with others fitting this description. 

And these are the people that you're saying don't deserve a living wage.

These are fucking hard-working real people. Good people, caring people, kind people -- people who deserve to be able to do more than simply pay their rent each month and put gas in their cars. 

Every single month I worked at that movie theatre, I struggled. I struggled to pay rent, to buy food, to get medicine. I wasn't eating caviar and living in a loft. I was eating raman noodles and living in an efficiency in Koreatown. And the thing is...I wasn't unimportant. I ran the bar. I was trusted to do the inventory and the ordering. I created drinks and rewrote policy. And I struggled. I struggled living a normal life, living a life that others take for granted. I struggled with my health -- with long hours in a hot kitchen, on your feet all day, some days not having enough time to get home, get a full night's sleep and get back in the morning. 

Here's the bitter reality...what I just described? Straight up, this is the world we live in. You may want to live in a world where only teenagers and senior citizens looking to try something new during retirement work minimum wage jobs and if that's the case, you should start working on changing the world post haste. But right now, here in America, in the year of reality, we have a shit ton of businesses that won't even hire someone under the age of 18 for minimum wage positions (like the one we all had) and chances are, if you see a senior working one of these jobs it's not cause they have more time on their hands than they're used to -- it's because they fucking need the money to cover the ridiculous cost of prescription medication in this country. So for now, maybe rethink some things. Maybe consider that your one-sided view of minimum wage workers might not be that accurate. And, if you're able, have a little compassion for your fellow man, no matter what their station in life. Because if you feel like someone is beneath you, you're probably looking at things upside down.

Johnny Manziel, The Douchebag's Quarterback

Let me be specific about what my blog is going to be about because with a topic as wide as "Johnny Manziel", it could be anything. This blog is going to have absolutely nothing to do with his ability or inability to play the game of football. Because let's face it, if he doesn't give a fucking rat's ass about his game, why should I? 

What I'm going to be talking about is his fucking attitude problem. And by attitude problem what I really mean is his entire personality and every single bit of behavior he displays. Johnny Manziel and his "smell my own farts" view of himself is so typical and unimaginative that we should just expect this kind of shit from young players. 

We have spent decades in this country worshiping professional athletes. Doesn't matter the sport. Almost doesn't matter the gender. If you're even a little bit successful, you've got carte blanche on pretty much anything and everything. 

DUI? Well, who cares.

Beat your wife or girlfriend? Just this once. Or twice. 

Rape a few people? They were probably asking for it. 

Murder? Yup. That's okay too. 

You can do any fucking thing that you want. Feel free to have zero respect for your teammates, fans, loved ones and even yourself. Don't fucking give a shit about anything besides the money you rake in, how many Twitter followers you have and how many paparazzi stalk you. Get yourself a tv show, an endorsement deal, a merchandising gig and your own fragrance. Because everyone knows that professional athletes smell better than anyone. You're not an athlete, you're a fucking MOGUL, baby!

Johnny Manziel is so not the first of his kind. Fuck, he's not the first of his kind in Cleveland. He's not the first of his kind in Cleveland this very minute. And Cleveland is no different than the rest of the country. LA, NYC, big cities and small. No one is immune and things don't seem to be getting any better. I mean, at least athletes have a skill. Plenty of reality stars behave the same way and their only skill involves turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. 

And they probably wouldn't get that joke, either. 

Johnny Manziel wants to go to the Cowboys? Fucking awesome. Take him, Dallas. Please, make him your goddamn problem. We will literally take anyone in return. A player, a coach, the waterboy, Adam Sandler as The Waterboy, what-the fuck-ever you've got lying around. 

And if you don't want him, say so. Tell the press. Tweet about it. Post it on your Facebook page. Sing it from the top of the tallest building in Texas. Let's be vocal about how unbelievably unacceptable this behavior is. Let's send the message that you cannot be a complete fucking dickface just because you're a professional athlete. 

Maybe, just maybe, we can make sure that Johnny Manziel is the last of his kind. After all, we can't stop him from procreating. That's not legal. And let's face it, if it was, we should've started with Mark Wahlberg. At least Manziel's chances for impotence are probably higher because of all the sacks and shit, but the thing is -- we really can't rely on his black and blue balls alone. Let's see if we can't fix this fucking entitlement issue and force professional athletes to behave only as shitty as the rest of us do.

It's My Birthday and I'll Whine If I Want To

I'm a totally reasonable person. I try not to get hung up on petty or trivial things. I take pride in the fact that I don't really care what celebrities are wearing or who anyone is sleeping with. The things that tend to really upset me have more to do with civil rights, health care, violence, poverty, shit like that. 

Now having said ALL of that, I'm turning 40 next week and I fucking hate it. I hate it and I don't want to and I am so totally going to approach this birthday kicking and screaming the whole way. 

Now I do realize that -- and yes, this next part is being delivered to the crowd from my perch on my very own high horse -- I might not feel this way if I had a pair of balls instead of a set of tits and ovaries. Not because there's some kind of property in estrogen that makes this particular birthday difficult but because, basically, men decided a while ago that at the age of 40 a woman's vagina begins to rot out of her body and she no longer serves any sort of purpose for humankind or the subservient animal kingdom. And since we haven't yet reached a time when the vast majority of men (and some women, too) are willing to share this world equally with us uterine folk, what they say tends to go. I'm just lucky that I'm not an actress cause if I was, I'd only get cast opposite Kirk Douglas, Alan Arkin or the second Albus Dumbledore once the big 4-0 hit. 

I do admit to generally liking birthdays, despite the fact that mine is so close to Christmas. I have all the normal triggers that everyone whose birthday is close to Christmas has. One tradition that never gets old: when my best friend gives me my birthday gift, it is ALWAYS accompanied by her pointing out the non-Christmas wrapping paper. And you know what? I fucking appreciate that. But, as I was saying, I do. I like birthdays. I like the fun. I like the attention. Fuck, I like the presents. I'm woman enough to admit that freely. 

But...for reals...I am seriously not liking this one. I remember when I was twenty, thinking to myself that I was halfway to 40 and how fast that first 20 years went. And now the next twenty have gone by. I hope I nail down the ability to savor every moment in the next twenty so it doesn't feel like it's flying by so fast. So I don't close my eyes for what seems like a second only to realize I'm turning 60. 

I have a sneaking suspicion though that this next 20 is going to be amazing. For maybe the first time ever in my life I feel on the cusp of something. I feel like I'm approaching the very beginning of my destiny and instead of pulling at my leash to get away, I'm running towards it. 

So, maybe 40 isn't going to be so bad. Maybe, just maybe, 40 is going to be amazing. Maybe, at age 40, I'll begin to take over the world. And when I do, I'm going to make sure that 40 is no longer "old". 40 will no longer be the age when people begin to decompose and slowly approach irrelevancy. And by people, I mean women. 

40, instead, will be the age when we begin our ascent into a higher plane of existence. 40 will be when a new level of respect is reached and a new, more refined, thought process is developed. 40 will be the beginning of the Age of Enlightenment. 

And, you know, 40 will be when we start becoming our most awesome selves.

Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady

I'll be honest, there's a lot about being married that doesn't feel any different Yet, at least. I don't know how things are going to feel in a year, 10 years, 50 years but so far most everything is pretty much the same. 

Maybe it because my husband and I were living together before we got married. Maybe it's because we're not planning on doing the kids thing so this isn't the first step in a series of monumental changes to our life. Maybe it's because we're both almost 40 and so we both either already feel like grownups or have already come to terms with the fact that nothing is going to make us feel like grownups. 

Maybe though, it's cause I've already felt married. 

I mean, don't get me wrong, this legal thing is a HUGE deal. Despite the fact that we got married in Vegas, we knew perfectly well what we were doing. I know that this, as far as the legal system is concerned, is a binding contract. I know that there really aren't too many decisions bigger than this one. 

I know that signing my name is going to be a bitch for a while. 

But, I also know that even before November 21, my husband had me for life. I've thought a lot about that notion that there's always someone in a relationship that loves the other person more. Truthfully, I've been afraid of that concept for much of my life -- being afraid to be on either end of that spectrum. I felt, though, that logically it made sense. You can't actually love someone the exact same amount that they love you. Impossible!

And now? I realize that it's not like a measuring cup of love. It's not like there's a scale somewhere that can calculate the tiniest difference in the weight of one's love. I realize that things don't work that way. I realize now that there are some couples that are in a race to love each other the most. I realize that some people support each other, love each other and comfort each other so intrinsically that measuring love seems silly and petty and truly unnecessary. I realize now that it's truly possible to be so secure in your partner that you can't imagine measuring your love or his(hers). That when you think about this whole idea, you can't imagine anyone loving someone any more than you love him(her) and then you think about the love he(she) gives to you every single day and you realize that you are literally loved just as much as you love. 

Marriage isn't much different for me yet. That's true. But I still have those moments when I just stop and look around -- when I see men's shoes at the door or get a good look into the master bedroom closets or just glance to my left and see my husband sitting on the cou

ch -- and the 12 year old girl inside of me just giggles and thinks gleefully, "I'm married!! I've got a husband! Holy shit!" And yes, my 12 year old self would've totally said holy shit, just ask my matron of honor. 

I'm pretty psyched about this whole marriage thing. I know it's not going to all be easy but last time I checked nothing about life was. I do have a feeling though that life is going to be a little bit easier with my husband at my side. It's amazing how little I'm afraid of now, not because I think bad stuff can't happen but because I found the person who considers it an honor to battle all of the monsters with me -- someone that I would slay any dragon for. And not only am I not as scared but I'm more brave and powerful than I could've ever imagined. Failure isn't so scary when the existence of the person next to you makes you realize you're always a winner.

Oh Joy! David O. Russell and Friends Are Back!

Could David O. Russell please stop casting the same people in all of his movies? I mean, for real. Like, for real, for real. 

Hey, who was in that movie The Fighter? Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Melissa Leo.

Hey, who was in Silver Linings Playbook? Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro.

Hey, who was in American Hustle? Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert De Niro.

Hey, who is in that new movie Joy? Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro. 

For fuck's sake, David O. Russel, it's like you're trying to be the grittier, douchier version of Tim Burton. Except instead of lining up Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter for every single movie, just turn Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper into every character conceivable. That blueprint has worked out spectacularly for Burton.

I mean, who didn't love and adore the way he made childhood favorites like Alice in Wonderland and Willy Wonka into something straight out of a twelve year old's erotic nightmares?! And I'm sure Steven Sondheim loved what he did with Sweeney Todd, turning him into the most boring story of singing, cosmetology and murder anyone has ever seen! Fuck, instead of slicing throats it would have been easier to just put everyone into a goddamn coma. I saw that movie on my birthday (my motherfucking BIRTHDAY) and I seriously fell a-fucking-sleep after 30 minutes. 30 minutes. And I was looking forward to that movie! Hell, when my roommate woke me up and I gave the movie five more excruciating minutes of my time, I ended up rolling over as much as my theatre seat would allow and I fucking went back to damn sleep. 

Directors falling in love with certain stars and forgetting about everyone else on the planet has always turned out great. Not having to wonder where your next paycheck is coming from has definitely made Johnny Depp a solid choice for me. I mean, I look forward to every sell-out move he makes nowadays, whether it's something from the now-constantly predictable Burton, a 15th Pirates of the Caribbean movie or just drivel like The Tourist or The Lone Ranger.

Leo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese have gotten into the mix too. I mean, sure The Departed was awesome and I fucking love The Aviator but you know what isn't good no matter what anyone tells you? Gangs of New York. I don't care that Daniel Day-Lewis is in it, so is Cameron Diaz. And don't even get me started on the fuck fest that is The Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah, I said it. And I know that there are a whole host of people who now want to lynch me because of what I just wrote and I get that. Nothing is more deliciously hedonistic than sitting in your underwear on the couch, Cheeto crumbs staining your fingertips and snake hole, jacking off to the wonders of The Wolf of Wall Street. Cause that's all it is -- a gluttonous bull-n-bear wankfest. 

No one is immune to it. It happens to the best pairings of the best in their field. I mean, Splash is 80s awesome and Apollo 13 is pretty fucking rad and Tom Hanks and Ron Howard have done some amazing work throughout both of their careers. And then they did The DaVinci Code and Angels & Demons. 

See what I mean?

But, I'm sure it's gonna be different for David O. Russell and his merry band of followers. I'm sure Jennifer Lawrence's fierce quirkiness or Bradley Cooper's scruffy charm is going to keep shit from going down. Robert De Niro's ability to transform himself into the ever-changing characters from Goodfellas, Casino, Meet the Parents, The Family, Analyze This...wait, what was I saying?  

I'm sure David O. Russell isn't headed down a very well-marked path to directing mainstream dreck starring people who should be doing more interesting work. That couldn't possibly happen. I mean, let's face it, the best way to learn and grow in your art is to work with the same people over and over again. It worked for the royals and their lineage. Nothing bad happened at all when bloodlines didn't mix enough. Besides, working with the same people over and over again has proven successful for some people. Just look at Adam Sandler. There's a guy who can hold his head up high when discussing his impeccable body of work.