Black and Blue

My blog post today is literally about one thing and one thing only. There's nothing else besides this I want to address and I want it to be very clear that there is only one point I'm wanting to make.

I've seen a number of good people post things since our latest wave of police violence against people of color that - in a nutshell - says that when you run away from the police, you should be prepared to die. 

Because if you don't comply with law enforcement, you deserve whatever happens to you.

Here is the one thing I would like to say to that.

I understand what you think it is you're saying. I understand that when someone runs from law enforcement, the natural and logical assumption by those police and/or other enforcement personnel is that you've done something wrong and that they better catch your ass quick.

I really do understand that. 

Aside from actually knowing good, honest people in uniform, I also just get how A + B = C. 

This is the perspective I would like to share with you, though. And I'm hoping that because you're logical and caring people that you'll give my point of view a chance before dismissing it outright. 

People of color have been discriminated against a lot. Flamingly violent racists aside, we can agree on that I think. And in addition to that discrimination being your general institutional and establishment racism (racism based on policy and practice), it has also come in the form of violence. 

A lot of violence.

And it's uncomfortable but I think we really need to face that right now.

People of color have had violence practiced upon them solely for their race for hundreds of years. In order to bring them to this country, we chained them. We chained them to boats. We chained them to each other. We put men and women who weren't criminals in chains and then forced them to do our work for us. 

Those people were beaten on a daily basis, perhaps even an hourly basis. Because of their skin. They were whipped. Because of their skin. They were raped. A lot. Because of their skin. They were tortured. Because of their skin. 

People of color have been hanged. Because of their skin. They've been lynched because of their skin. They've been set on fire. Because of their skin. They've been beheaded. Because of their skin. They've been drawn and quartered. Because of their skin. They've been tied to car bumpers and dragged, the modern day drawing and quartering. Because of their skin.

People of color have been stabbed because of their skin. People of color have been shot because of their skin. People of color have been brutalized because of their skin.

At a rate so astoundingly high that it should silence the voices of anyone that would like to imply that people of all races have had these problems. 

And the thing is, law enforcement has not been innocent of these crimes. Not when slavery first took hold, not when segregation was being challenged and not now. I am in no way saying that every law enforcement officer is guilty. Not at all. No way and no how. 

But some are a problem. 

Some have always been a problem.

And we, as white people, have not done enough historically and currently to eradicate these demons from our bevy of protectors. I'm sorry but we just haven't. We get too defensive when the topic is brought up, letting our guilt take over and allowing us to continue on practicing in a racist world. 

And now, because of it, we're at the motherfucking crossroads of all crossroads. Cause this is where we've ended up (and this here is my blog point):

When people of color see a law enforcement official with a gun in their hands, at their hip or even just in their holster, it is just like seeing anyone else off the street in possession of a gun. And, be honest, if someone you don't know approaches you with a weapon, you're going to be beyond uneasy. If they look like they mean business with that weapon when they call for your attention, that weapon starts to look bigger and bigger and badder and badder. 

We need to understand that in a lot of cases people of color are operating their daily lives with a severe case PTSD. Their entire history as a people, since the white man came into their lives, has been traumatic. Every step to reclaiming their freedom has been traumatic. And their "free" existence now continues to be traumatic. 

We cannot expect them to look at the world with the same eyes we do, for we have not been through the same things. Yes, some Caucasian people do not feel safe around police and other paid protectors, the same way that some people of color have been raised in an environment that sees them as people before seeing them as a demographic and therefore see the police as the good guys most of them are. 

But neither of these is the norm. 

And we need to understand that. 

We need to understand that there is a long history of violence that leads us to the fears that still linger today. When we have a friend or loved one that's a victim of abuse, we understand that people that remind them of their abuser can cause them to feel excruciating fear and have a desperate need to get away to safety. And we need to start looking at our current situation this way. We need to start understanding that people in uniform have one connotation for some people while having an entirely different connotation for others and these connotations are crucial to our ability to function as a civilized society. 

I'm very aware that there are situations that fall out of these parameters (like the fact that it seems we have people of color complying and still being killed) but, as I said earlier, I wanted to focus my blog on this one very specific topic. 

We say if people run from the police, they deserve whatever they get. But we forget that it's really not that simple. 

And we need to really work together as a country to stop this violence now before it grows even further. Before the United States becomes bedlam and we lose more good people and good law enforcement. Because, here's the thing...

Police officers and others in uniform are beginning to feel like they're being judged for the clothes they have on and not for who they actually are. 

They're starting to feel like people see them coming and automatically make negative judgements about them.

Police officers are even more afraid for their lives than normal because they think someone might shoot them either out of fear, anger or just because. 

Police officers are starting to feel like people of color. 

And when people who are required to carry and be skilled at using weaponry start feeling like they're backed into a corner, our country will be the bloodied victim. And we will have no one but ourselves to blame. 

Questions

Normally, I like to think that I have all the answers. Although I certainly haven't fooled myself into thinking I'm an astronaut or rocket scientist, I do like to think that I know stuff. I do well at Jeopardy. My educated guesses are pretty right on. I tend to figure out who the killer is pretty early in movies or tv shows. And I pick up things fairly quickly, in general. Basically, I'm awesome. 

But, this isn't that kind of blog post. 

Cause there are just some things that I don't understand. 

Like, superficial judgement. Whether it has do to with your race or gender or physical appearance, whatever. I don't get superficial judgement. I don't understand how just by looking at me, you think you know me. Skinny and fat shaming fall into this category. Thinking people with tattoos are somehow less responsible would fit into this one too. I mean, I just mentioned that I think I'm smart and yet I can promise you that those things don't help me determine what you're like. How the fuck do I know what you're like until I actually talk to you?

And another one. Religion. Judging people on their religion, I just don't understand. I mean, fuck off. If you know anything about the major religions we've got going on, you know that they're pretty similar in the things they preach. Sure, the stories they use are different but the morals tend to be very close to one another. So, why aren't religious people just happy that there are other religious people out there? Why aren't they happy that so many other people share their thoughts on how to live their life while they're here? Why isn't being a person of faith something that draws those people together instead of dividing them so significantly so often? 

And along those same lines, why is it that people are so intent on mixing religion and government? The same people that are constantly talking about how the second amendment is woven in gold and shouldn't have any limits of any kind have no problem disregarding freedom of religion and separation of church and state. How can you claim that one amendment is more important than another like that? And if you start reminding me that there isn't much ahead of the right to bear arms in the constitution, I'll remind you that freedom of religion is one of those that is. So given that, why does anyone think it's okay to force their religion on anyone else? I don't care how good you think yours is, faith and religion are very personal things and to tell anyone that you should be in charge of how they show their faith and choose to worship is criminal and a personal violation. 

Nextly (Yes, I know that's not a word, so what), why is it so fucking hard for some people to put themselves in someone else's shoes? Do we really need to have experienced something in order to be able to determine whether something is shitty or not? How is it that so many people can willfully ignore real problems and issues just because it isn't affecting them directly? How does it not cause them actual pain to see others in pain? How is this not a thing that everyone deals with? 

Also, why is it the initial reaction of so many to blame the victim? Is the idea of a broken system or fallen hero so horrifying to you that you would chose to stick your head in the sand, or worse, blame the injured party just in order to sleep better at night? And why isn't blaming the victim keeping you awake? Why does ignoring a real problem put some at ease instead of fighting for what's right? I understand that ignorance is bliss but what about an outright refusal to admit what you have to know deep down? Is that bliss as well? 

And are there really that many people out there that actually think that their race is a superior race? Cause sometimes it really seems like there are still a lot of people out there like that. Is that just a magnification of the terrible the way that tends to happen with the media or is that still a significant percentage of people? And for those people who truly believe this, how is that even possible? How can anyone actually think that one race is better than another? How can pigmentation mean so fucking much? 

And to that same end, are there also really people out there that think one gender is better than another? Do some feminists really believe women are better than men? Do other people really think that the majority of feminists have this warped view? Do some men really believe that they deserve to earn more for the same level of work? And are there really both men and women who think that the man should be the head of the household and the woman be subservient? And I don't mean just having traditional roles, I mean actually thinking that the man is the boss of the woman, as if husband replaces father and woman stays a child. 

Here's another: do most people really believe that their country is better than every other country and the people in it? Do most Americans really believe that they're better than other people from other places? And not your standard, respectful patriotism but the actual belief that being American means being better? And is the state of our country today not giving you pause in this belief system?

Question: are there really people out there that think that we can make life better for anyone through hate? Are there really people who don't view hate as a disease that needs to be eradicated? Are there really people left in this world who don't realize that hate destroys the soul, poisons the heart and decays the brain?

And with that same thought in mind, how does hurting other people not make some people feel terrible inside? How does causing pain in others not make some people wither inside? How can you cause tears in another and not feel a part of you die inside? And how does it seem like some people thrive on this feeling? How can it be that some people get energy from the destruction they cause in others? I was a dick to a guy in the drive-thru of an Arby's in Los Angeles about five to seven years ago and I still haven't been able to let it go. I was wrong and I was a dick and my friend told me so and I still feel bad. How is it that there are some people who don't work this way? 

And finally, how is it that for some people a stranger's own personal experiences and life choices are so deeply offensive? This one really fucks me up -- I just don't get it. I just don't understand. And if there's someone out there that this is true for, please, I beg you -- educate me. How is someone else's life experience -- someone that you don't know, someone who has no bearing on your life -- how do their actions and how does their life, in general, become so violently offensive to you? Why do you feel it's your place to watch them, judge them and then attempt to eviscerate them from afar just because you disagree with the way they classify themselves or the way feel they have to live their life in order to be true to themselves? And you know exactly what I'm talking about here, not serial killing, not theft or torture -- but choosing to become a more whole person, from their own perspective. How do you feel it's your place to take a very real and very painful situation and try to crush the person struggling with their own identity?

So these are just some of the questions I have. These are some of the things I've been struggling with, both lately and for a lot of my life. And sometimes it just gets tiring to try and try and try to come up with answers when it seems like so many people don't have any desire to actually come up with solutions. So, instead I wanted to share my questions and struggles with you, knowing that there are other people out there that have the same things going around in their minds. Maybe together we can work some things out.

Dr. StrangeRug or How I Learned I Could Be Trump's Speechwriter

I thought we could all use a laugh right about now, so here is my take on Donald Trump's upcoming speech at the Republican National Convention. 

This blog post is in honor of the most excellent decision that Sherwin Williams made to not remove the LeBron James/Cleveland Cavaliers Championship banner from their global headquarters for the Republican National Convention, July 18-21. 

And, away we go (fill in all hand gestures, signs of enthusiasm and general psychotic behavior in your heads)...

"When I heard that the RNC chose Cleveland to host their convention, I was a little unsure. Listen, listen. I'm not gonna lie, I was skeptical. Things weren't great here -- you know it, I know it, we all know it. 

But you know what this city did? You know what brilliant, beautiful thing the people of this city did? They went back to their roots. They went back to their roots and got a hometown guy -- a guy -- a person -- who would rightfully care more about this city than anyone else, right? Right. And you know what they did? They made their city great again. 

You saw that coming, right? Yeah, I can't pull one over on you. Let me say it again though, cause it's so good. It's just so good. They MADE their city GREAT AGAIN. 

And what happened? Well, we all know what happened. We all got on board, amiright? I'm right! Of course, I'm right. We all got on board and Ayesha Curry shut up finally and people enjoyed it. They loved it. Believeland took over. That's what I kept hearing. Believeland. Everywhere, Believeland, right? Genius. Just geniuses these people are and what they did. 

They made their city great again.

And that's why I've always been a big fan of Cleveland. BIG fan! Cause you know, Cleveland, it's just like America. It is, it is! I'm right! You know, I'm right! I'm right so often, I'm almost sick of being right! I'm just kidding, being this right all the time is great. But anyway so Cleveland, you know like America, it's had -- it's had some trouble. It has, you know it has. It had a few years where things weren't looking great, there. Rivers caught on fire. They lost jobs and things. They lost their football team. It just -- it wasn't great.

But, here's the thing, you know what? Cleveland -- it didn't lose hope. Never. Not once. And you know why? Cause winners never lose hope. Never. Why? Cause they know they can still win. And you did. You knew that and you saw it and you didn't give up. You saw what needed to be done and you did it. And that's what winners do. 

You know, you welcomed LeBron back even though -- you know -- there were some hurt feelings. He left. He needed to do his thing. And that's great. That's great. He's a champ. He did what he had to do. But then he decided he wanted to make his home team GREAT AGAIN. And that's -- well basically, that's just like me -- that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm doing here.

I'm like the LeBron of business and politics. Of country-running. Or really, he's like the Donald Trump of basketball. That sounds better, right? More accurate. Besides, I was here first. I'm just saying, I was. 

And you know, I've had success. A lot of success. BIG success! You know it. Some might say I'm a business CHAMP. I don't know, I'm just saying, those are words I've heard. And now I'm just trying to help my home team. I don't have to do this. You know, that's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the real thing, folks. I don't have to do this. I don't. You know I don't. You all know me. You know I don't have to do this. I could still just be the greatest business mogul in the world. It's a good job. I won't lie. It's good. You've seen my plane, right?! 

But instead, I've decided to use my championship business sense for our country. Can you imagine that? Can you just imagine if our country did as well as my businesses? Can you imagine if I did to our country what I did for television with The Apprentice? You remember NBC before me, right? And now that I'm not there anymore? You hear the jokes. Nobody watches. It's true. It's true. 

But, come on, it's so easy. It's almost too easy. Cause see, like I said, like everyone says, I'm very good. I'm very good at what I do. And now I've decided to make America what I do. Really just imagine it. Cause it's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing, I tell you. 

But, you know, some people are going to try and stop it. I know, I know, boo, boo. But they are, they are. They've already started. They're going to make up things and spread lies and all the stuff that losers do. Like little Ayesha Curry -- Bitter Ayesha -- right, Cleveland? And these losers, they're going to take to Twitter and try and make it seem like they're really winning. And don't get me wrong, I love Twitter. I'm the KING of Twitter! My tweets -- have you read them? They're good. That's all I'm going to say. They're very good. 

But these people, like Bitter Ayesha and Crooked Hillary and Pocahontas Elizabeth Warren, they're going to try to distract people from the real issues with their silly, little tweets. "Delete your account?" So juvenile. So juvenile. And these people are supposed to lead our country. I mean, can you imagine If I left Twitter? People would go crazy! People would, I don't know, maybe revolt, if I left Twitter. They love me. They love my tweets! So good, right?! 

But we all know what's really going on here. We all know what those girls are up to. I mean ladies -- they get so touchy when you don't call them ladies, amiright? Very PC stuff. Right? I'm right, right? You know I'm right. We can't say anything anymore. Everyone's so touchy about everything. Everyone takes offense at everything. You can't use a sherif's badge in a tweet without having people say you're anti-Semitic. Ridiculous -- the Jews love me! Are you kidding me? I have Jew friends. Look at the businesses I'm in! I know lots of Jews. But you can't say anything anymore.

But these losers, cause that's what they are -- and to prove it, they're going to lose in November, just watch -- these losers, they're just trying to distract from what we really need to do in this country. With their Planned Parenthoods and their gun laws. With their political correctness and their sit-ins -- they're just trying to keep us from doing what really needs to be done. 

And that's what losers do. I know. I've seen a lot of them. They're always at the other end of the table when I make my best business moves. So, I know losers. No one knows losers like winners. Right? Am I right? Of course, I am. But that's what losers do. That's all they can do. They can't win so they try to pretend like they're not losers and try to convince the rest of us that they're not losers, too.

But here's the good thing, folks. You've got me. You've got The Donald. You've picked the right team -- the winning team. I'm a winner. That's all there is to it. I'm a winner. I'm THE winner. 

So, I think it's -- it's like fate stepped in or magic, maybe. I don't do the magic but you can ask my good friend Penn Gillett. I bet he'd say it was magic. That here I am -- A Life Champion --in Cleveland, Ohio -- the new American Champion to make America Great Again. You know what it is, I bet Cleveland read The Art of the Deal. It's very good. Very helpful. Amazing for winners! We have some around the convention center. There are tables. It's very good. Cleveland's read it. Then they took their city back.  

So I think that it's perfect that here -- right here -- in CLEVELAND, OHIO, where the tide just turned after 50 years of taking it from these other people -- these people that thought they we're nothing. And here's the thing, folks. That's what all these people think of us. They think we're nothing. They think we're fools. They think they can come here and mess with us and that we won't do anything in return.  And that's what the losers, that's what the losers want us to do. Nothing. Or worse, just hand everything over to them. Can you imagine?

You won't have to if they had their way.

But, guess what, folks? We're gonna do this thing! Cause you've got The Champ. You've got The Winner's Winner, here. And here in the GREAT Cleveland, Ohio, we're going to tell the WORLD that we're back! That America is back! And you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!"

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

How can you see this and not be sick?

How can you watch the video and not weep openly with grief?

How can you hear the stories and continue to deny the reality?

#AntonSterling

#PhilandoCastile

#FalconHeightsShooting

How can you sit on your couch, watch your tv, play with your kids, eat your microwave dinner, stare at your phone, do your squats, pick your Snapchat filter...and continue to pretend that our country isn't in crisis? 

How can you be silent?

Does your life need to be in danger for you to feel the fear and outrage of others?

Can you not find sympathy, if empathy isn't there?

Do you think your silence means nothing as those around you die in the street?

Are you incapable of understanding racism is still real? Do you think if you deny it, it will disappear? 

Tell me, what's the difference between a man being lynched and one being gunned down? Tell me which is worse, killing underneath a white hood and sheet or killing wearing blue and a badge of steel? 

Why is it that when these things occur, we continue to talk about the dangerous lives of police and not the dangers of being non-white? Why do we immediately scream that there are good cops out there instead of understanding that the people hurting those good cops the most are the bad ones killing unjustly? 

Why are we blaming the victims for the acts of the abusers? The killers? The rapists?

Why?

Our country will never be whole like this.

Our country will never recover like this.

Our country will never prosper like this.

For even if certain people prosper, we as a whole will fail. And those that prosper on the backs of the victims will reap the crops that they sow. They will live an eternity in despair, loneliness and emptiness. They may feel no pain now but they will. 

And they may never know it. 

They may never realize the fate they brought on themselves. 

They may never understand what they have brought into their lives. 

They may believe their hearts are full but until they can access their whole heart, pieces will lay empty and eventually, like all living things left to darkness and nothingness, will rot and die away.

Do not sacrifice your heart for your pride. The one pales infinitely more than the other. 

Good people need to speak out.

Kind, caring people need to spread their love. For there are people who are feeling nothing but fear and pain and outrage who need to know that they're not alone. 

And we need to say we see reality.

This is not just one people's fight. 

This is not an area where we should say, "it's none of our business." 

It is our business. 

It's the business of anyone with a heart, a soul and a conscience. 

Yes, this is a race issue. But that doesn't mean that only one race can fix this. How is that even possible when we are all involved? 

Yes, #AllLivesMatter but missing the point on purpose is helping no one. Don't be that person. Don't be the person that takes someone's pain and makes it a pithy retort. Don't take someone else's reality and warp it to fit your own, knowing full well that your realities are vastly different.

Don't watch innocent people die and instead of crying with their loved ones, immediately start defending their killers. 

These are things we've always heard about. When we lived in a world of oral history and games of telephone, we heard about it after the fact. But we don't live there anymore. We live in a world of YouTube and Twitter, of Periscope and Facebook, of live streaming and digital uploads...and we're seeing our history being made. 

Please don't sit still. Please don't stay quiet. Please don't watch and wait. 

Please be scared of what will happen if good people do nothing. Please worry about what indifference does to us as a people. Please speak out. Please send love. Please tell those who are genuinely afraid that you see their pain. Please, tell them that they won't be ignored anymore. 

Please. 

Be kind. 

Be supportive.

Be active.

Be a voice that heals.

Writing as Therapy

I care too much. My husband tells me that. He's not wrong. It makes me sound so altruistic and holier than though but that's honestly not how I mean it. 

Yes, I care about the lives of people I've never met and it hurts when I know people are being mistreated, especially in the country I call home. But that's not what I'm talking about. I wouldn't ever want to change that part of myself. 

For me, I have a problem where I put the health and well-being of others before my own and over the course of time, this starts to fuck me up. I feel guilty when I'm having a bad day, like my bad day is going to make someone else's day bad too. And then, if someone isn't perfectly happy with said day, I blame myself for it. 

Luckily, as I've mentioned, I have an amazing husband who tries to make sure that I do this as little as possible. And luckily, this works a lot of the time. But it doesn't work in certain instances and it doesn't work with some key people, people who don't always make it easy for me to not blame myself. 

Now, I don't want this blog to be me feeling sorry for myself. I won't lie -- the fact that some people close to me take my anxiety and depression personally does hurt a lot. It does make it difficult to not blame myself and it does make me feel like the disorders that I have are my fault. But somewhere inside of me I know I shouldn't feel that way, basically, because I have friends with these types of disorders and I try my hardest to make sure they know that none of this is their fault. And if I say it to them and really believe it, part of me knows I have to believe it for myself too. 

So, this blog is to remind myself that I need to put me first. It's to remind me that if my health is failing, whether physical or mental, I can't be as good of a wife or daughter or friend or loved one. And those things mean a lot to me. 

This blog is to remind myself that I'm not defective. It's to remind me that I don't become a bad person just because I have a bad day or need to concentrate on myself. It's to remind me that mental health isn't an imagined issue that I've just made up to put the focus on me. Cause that's something I really struggle with.

The words selfish and ungrateful swim around in my head on a daily basis. I can hear them being screamed at me as I cry, their words echoing for eternity in my heart and soul. I can feel all of the bruises that they've left inside of me over time, so much so that it feels like I'll be black and blue forever and I'll never be able to heal properly. 

This blog is to remind me that those words aren't true. This blog is to remind me that no matter how long it took me to type them or how much trouble I actually have believing them, it was still important that I say them -- that I put into print that I'm not selfish or ungrateful. 

I need to somehow realize that it's okay for me to not believe them. That even more so than that -- that it's not okay to believe them. I need to realize that it's up to me to hug myself and tell myself that everything will be okay. It's up to me to console the person inside of me. It's up to me to comfort the person that's been hurt. It's up to me to fix what's been broken. 

Not because there aren't people who want to help. But because I'm the one who truly needs to understand that I'm not all of those terrible things. I'm the one who needs to be able to look at herself in the mirror and say, "you're not selfish and ungrateful. You're not all of your worst fears." 

I'm 40 years old and I'm still working on understanding that. Some days it feels like I'll never get it through my thick skull and other days are a little easier. Some days the screaming in my head never stops and I can feel my insides bleed even though I know that's silly. Other days I feel like a warrior, trying to speak out and have courage and use my writing to try and fix what little I can. 

And on days like these -- when I feel vulnerable to the point that it seems like I'm an open nerve and have no skin to protect me from the outside world -- I try to be honest about how I'm feeling. I try to write about these problems I have, with the hope that anyone else that might have a similar problem learns that they're not alone. I know that there's still so much I'm not capable of talking about but I try to be as brave as I can be and wish with all of my heart that it helps someone feel better. And maybe if I'm lucky, one of those someones will be me.

Love, Community and Pride

This blog post of mine is going to be a little different. I'm not going to get political or smart-mouthed or probably even be funny. Hopefully, I won't offend anyone because, in my opinion, there won't be anything here that is even remotely offensive. It's all about love.

An open letter to all of my friends and loved ones in the LGBTQ community, one week after Orlando. 

Dear Friends,

I'm sorry. 

I'm so sorry this has happened. 

I'm so sorry that there are still people in existence who think that the love you feel should be a target for hate. 

I'm sorry we continue to fail to take steps that would help prevent atrocities like this from happening. 

But even more than telling you how sorry I am, what I'd really like to say is...I'm with you. As much as I can be, I'm with you. I'm your sister, your friend and your cheerleader. 

No part of who you are is anything to be ashamed of. No piece of your soul isn't deserving of love. No part of your identity isn't worthy of acceptance. And however you feel most like yourself is the way it was intended. 

I'm sure there are a lot of you out there that already know these things but I want you to know that I know it too. And anyone in the LGBTQ community who might be feeling like these things aren't as obvious to them, I want them to see the words for themselves. To hear another voice tell them that they're exactly who they're supposed to be. 

Be proud of who you are. Because you are amazing.

You're brave.

You're warriors.

You're courageous.

You're valued.

You're valuable.

You're real.

You're truth.

You're love.

I want the world to be safe for you. I want you to be able to log onto social media without having people debating your bathroom choices. I want you to be seen for you, not your gender or your sexuality. I want people to realize that you're just like everyone else...in the way that none of us are alike and we're all the same. 

I want you to be able to be the snowflake that you are. The snowflake that the rest of us are allowed to be. 

I want you to know that if there's a God, God loves you. 

I want you to know that this world would be worse off if you didn't exist and that you add an incredible amount to our collective existence, as individuals and as a community.

I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that I'm proud of you and I want you to know that I'm proud to call you family. 

During this time in the wake of Orlando and during what should be a joyous Pride, I hope that you can still celebrate the way you deserve to. You've helped our world become a more accepting place and I realize that there's still work to be done and progress to be made but each and every one of you has made a difference in the lives of every man, woman and child in this country. And for the better, whether they're loving enough to be able to see that for themselves. 

Thank you all for being a part of my life. I love you. I cherish you. And I stand with you always.

With the sincerest love and gratitude,

Monica

Bernt Out

I need to talk about something that recently came to my attention. It's the text of an essay written in 1972 by Bernie Sanders in the Vermont Freeman, an alternative newspaper. 

I think it is beyond important to note the following things when reading the entirety of this essay:

-- This essay was published in 1972.

 -- Bernie Sanders was 30 years old when he wrote this essay for the Vermont Freeman. He was not some 20 year old college student, still forming his ideas and ideals. He was a full grown adult human being. 

-- This essay is from 9 years AFTER Bernie marched on Washington with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, a part of his political history that he is not only very proud of (as he should be) but has become a major part of his identity in terms of his candidacy for president. 

So, I think it's fair to say that because of the aforementioned, this essay is fair game. Bernie Sanders was not some dumb kid when he wrote this. He was not still trying to find his political footing. He was not confused about equality and how it should work for everybody. According to him, he had already formed his political morals and ethics. So let's take a look at this essay that, although not completely and totally ignored by the media during his campaign, has not been touched on by most outlets. And after reading it, I've been shaken to my very core.  

Now, I'm going to let Senator Sander's words speak for themselves. 

====================

Man-and-Woman 

By Bernard Sanders

A man goes home and masturbates his typical fantasy. A woman on her knees, a woman tied up, a woman abused.

A woman enjoys intercourse with her man — as she fantasizes being raped by 3 men simultaneously.

The man and woman get dressed up on Sunday — and go to Church, or maybe to their “revolutionary” political meeting.

Have you ever looked at the Stag, Man, Hero, Tough magazines on the shelf of your local bookstore? Do you know why the newspaper with the articles like “Girl 12 raped by 14 men” sell so well? To what in us are they appealing?

Women, for their own preservation, are trying to pull themselves together. And it’s necessary for all of humanity that they do so. Slavishness on one hand breeds pigness on the other hand. Pigness on one hand breeds slavishness on the other. Men and women — both are losers. Women adapt themselves to fill the needs of men, and men adapt themselves to fill the needs of women. In the beginning there were strong men who killed the animals and brought home the food — and the dependent women who cooked it. No More! Only the roles remain — waiting to be shaken off. There are no “human” oppressors. Oppressors have lost their humanity. On one hand “slavishness,” on the other hand “pigness.” Six of one, half dozen of the other. Who wins?

Many women seem to be walking a tightrope now. Their qualities of love, openness, and gentleness were too deeply enmeshed with qualities of dependency, subservience, and masochism. How do you love — without being dependent? How do you be gentle — without being subservient? How do you maintain a relationship without giving up your identity and without getting strung out? How do you reach out and give your heart to your lover, but maintain the soul which is you?

And Men. Men are in pain too. They are thinking, wondering. What is it they want from a woman? Are they at fault? Are they perpetrating this man-woman situation? Are they oppressors?

The man is bitter.

“You lied to me,” he said. (She did).

“You said that you loved me, that you wanted me, that you needed me. Those are your words.” (They are).

“But in reality,” he said, “If you ever loved me, or wanted me, or needed me (all of which I’m not certain was ever true), you also hated me. You hated me — just as you have hated every man in your entire life, but you didn’t have the guts to tell me that. You hated me before you ever saw me, even though I was not your father, or your teacher, or your sex friend when you were 13 years old, or your husband. You hated me not because of who I am, or what I was to you, but because I am a man. You did not deal with me as a person — as me. You lived a lie with me, used me and played games with me — and that’s a piggy thing to do.”

And she said, “You wanted me not as a woman, or a lover, or a friend, but as a submissive woman, or submissive friend, or submissive lover; and right now where my head is I balk at even the slightest suspicion of that kind of demand.”

And he said, “You’re full of _______.”

And they never again made love together (which they had each liked to do more than anything) or never ever saw each other one more time.

====================

Okay, so let's just get into the thick of it, shall we. 

First up, let's tackle the men. Here's what Bernie's got to say.

Men:

-- a man's typical fantasy is a woman on her knees, abused.

-- men are trying figure out what they want from women and they fear they're oppressors.

-- men are bitter.

-- men think women are liars. 

-- men think women hate all men even before they meet them.

-- men think women don't have the guts to stand up for themselves. 

-- men can't trust women when they tell them they love them.

And now, women:

-- women fantasize about being gang raped in order to get off during sex with their husbands. 

-- women can't separate their gentleness from dependency and subservience. Women struggle to maintain their own identity.

-- women lie.

-- women hate all men, sight unseen.

-- women aren't even brave enough to admit that they hate men.

-- women hate men that don't even deserve to be hated.

-- women use men.

-- women play games.

-- women fool men into relationships, knowing how much they hate them, and then allow men to live their life as a lie because of it.

-- women think men only want them to be submissive and are so sensitive to the topic of being submissive that they cannot handle even the slightest fear or inkling of it, destroying their relationships with men.

Slavish vs. Piggish:

And then there's Bernie's slavish vs. piggish comparison. But who is who in this relationship? You might think the women would be slavish, considering they're the ones who were thought of as their husband's property. But later in the essay, he has the man calling the woman "piggish". 

So, Bernie, are you saying the women are the pigs and the men are the slaves? Or are women the slaves as well as the pigs? Or are women the slaves and men are the pigs and you just suck at writing? 

My take:

Now, I'm going to be honest with you. As a women, I find this essay incredibly fucking offensive. First off, it reads like someone who just got dumped. Yeah, I said it. It reads like a missive from a jilted lover. Like, some chick dumped his ass and he got back at her by writing this editorial. He didn't just journal about it. He didn't go off in his diary -- getting his anger out so he could move on with his life. No, he fucking took his anger to the people and bitched publicly. He was Taylor Swift before there was a Taylor Swift. 

And let's be real, that's who we're dealing with right now. Some dick who just got dumped and won't fucking let it go. Some asshole who when he lost something that he didn't want to lose, instead of dealing with it like a fucking adult, takes to the airwaves to make sure everyone knows that he's not the loser. 

He got old, bitter white man on our asses. 

I mean, is it a coincidence that when he digs in his heels the most, a woman is at the other end of his anger? Is it a coincidence that he's calling for the head of the Democratic Party, the person who bent the rules so he could run in a primary he didn't belong in, to be replaced when that person happens to be a woman? Is it a coincidence that he often refers to Hillary Clinton as Mrs. Clinton instead of Senator Clinton or Secretary Clinton, calling upon her title as wife over her professional titles?

Would he pull this shit with a man?

In 2008, when the AP called the democratic primary for Barack Obama by the same measures they did this year, he gave his endorsement to Obama without hesitation. Is the reason why he's disregarding both the delegate count and the popular vote because Hillary Clinton has a vagina instead of a penis? 

I don't know but, honestly, after reading this essay I'm inclined to say "yes".

And I'm sure there are many of you who are livid at the fact that I'm suggesting Bernie Sanders has a problem with women. But, I'd like to remind you again that Senator Sanders was fucking 30 years old when he spit out this essay. He was already completely behind the civil rights movement when he said women fantasize about being gang raped. You think those women marching for their civil rights fantasized about being fucking gang raped? For real? Because I'm sure he was very aware that the vast majority of these women were afraid of that very thing every time a white man walked in the room. And yet, he still said it. He not only said it, he fucking published it. Do you think Dr. King would've been okay with Bernie Sanders basically saying that Coretta Scott King fantasized about being gang raped whenever she was in bed with him? Do you think he would've sat idly by if he were alive to read that? 

We had the largest mass shooting in our country's history this past weekend. Democratic senators took to the floor in a powerful 15 hour filibuster to make sure that important gun issues weren't ignored. And Bernie Sanders, our newest Democratic Senator who is trying to fulfill the most integral part of our party, was nowhere to be found. He ignored the efforts being put forth, efforts that are right in his wheelhouse of getting his hands dirty and fighting the good fight, and instead he spent his time penning a fucking speech reiterating the fact that he hasn't lost the presidential nomination.

To a woman.

Sanders has called this "a dumb attempt at dark satire in an alternative publication" and that it was "intended to attack gender stereotypes of the '70s, but it looks as stupid today as it was then." This, however, is an excuse. You want dark satire that dresses real issues? Read Vonnegut. Cause this isn't it. This reads as a man angry at women. He portrays women as the submissive villain and men as their oppressive victims. And in addition, I've never once read that Senator Sanders was "sorry" that he wrote it. Just excuses.

Obviously you may disagree with me and that's your right. But I have rights too. And my rights include voting for the President of the United States. And that vote starts with electing a nominee. I ask that Senator Sanders stop trying to violate my rights by ignoring my vote and the votes of everyone who chose our Democratic nominee in this election cycle. 

It's time to finally stop acting piggish, Senator Sanders, and act like an adult. If you couldn't do it when you were 30, I ask that you try again at 74.